if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
