dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
