I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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