i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
