I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
where does the pee come out of this thing
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
