Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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