He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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