Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
