Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
