I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
