Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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