so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
why didn't you poke me back
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
