I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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