her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
