I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
