oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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