Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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