I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
