Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
