It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
