remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
