Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
