are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
