I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
