About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
