Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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