dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
