I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
