He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
