OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
