Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
