It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
