Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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