pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
