Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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