R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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