How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
is that a dick in a sweater?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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