Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
