I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
