Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
