i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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