I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
