it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize