Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize