didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
