So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize