Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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