Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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