i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
