She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize