do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
