***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
