You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
