I puked a lego.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We left an ass print on the piano.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
