I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
