I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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