I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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