Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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