so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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