Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
