I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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