I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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