just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
