dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
