When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize