i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
tell me about the fingering
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
