Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
