there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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