there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
do nipples grow back?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
