Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
