Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
