He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
