Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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